“Everybody ought to have a pal,” Mihaan Dhall (20) insists. For somebody who has all the time been on the centre of a social circle, Mihaan is primed to imagine that friendship is an antidote to life’s curveballs. He recounts feeling a nervous pang a number of years in the past on the considered his group going off to varsity and him being left behind.
Mihaan’s fears weren’t in isolation.
Many neurodivergent people — Mihaan has Down Syndrome — grapple with the identical dilemma. There may be a fear related to stepping out of 1’s consolation zone and breaking the ice whereas venturing to make new associates. It occurs to one of the best of us. However, as Mihaan reminisces these days, he recounts them main him to his now greatest pal Vir Kapoor.
The 2 get alongside like a home on hearth, and, as I chat with them over a Zoom name, I’ve a front-row seat to one of the vital stunning banters I’ve ever witnessed. Mihaan’s Down Syndrome and Vir’s autism contribute to their contrastingly totally different personalities. However, inside the ambiguities, the gaps and the silences, there’s a deep regard for the opposite.
It was this awe at how friendship might transcend boundaries of incapacity, that compelled Mumbai-based Moneisha and Gopika, the duo’s moms, to develop ‘Buddy Up Community’ — a friendship app for folks with disabilities (PWD) and their caregivers — designed to be a secure, accessible and inclusive platform for them to make connections.
One dimension doesn’t match all: Exploring neurodivergent friendships
For the longest time, Gopika was careworn that her son Vir (20) would by no means discover a pal. Recalling the absurdity of play dates that have been advocated on the time for youngsters with autism, Gopika says, there wasn’t any area for candour.
“The play date was 40 minutes lengthy and structured in a manner that the kids would greet one another in the course of the first 5 minutes, then play a recreation adopted by one other recreation after which have a snack.” Every time, it was a brand new acquaintance.
Was 40 minutes sufficient for a friendship to be solid?
Clearly not, as Gopika found.
On most of those play dates, she would find yourself taking part in with the kid, whereas Vir wandered off. “It was tense for him,” she explains. “He was once very reticent and it was onerous for him to confide in a brand new baby each time.” So, in the present day, when she watches her son bond with Mihaan with none intervention, reduction colors her face.
“And that is precisely what we want for each disabled individual to search out — a friendship the place they are often themselves,” Gopika shares. And Moneisha agrees. The app, they clarify, is designed to cater to the wants of those that are inclined to extra eclectic patterns of friendship, those that veer away from modern definitions.
Take Vir and Mihaan as an illustration. They take pleasure in starkly totally different hobbies. Whereas Vir loves an excellent puzzle and spends his time biking, swimming, operating and baking, Mihaan is a music aficionado. I ponder the place they discover widespread floor.
Because it seems, humour is the adhesive on this friendship! However their symbiotic relationship isn’t restricted to cackling at one another’s jokes. It additionally extends to appreciating the opposite’s skills.
“Vir makes plane and windmill fashions with LEGO blocks and makes them transfer by attaching a machine to them. It’s so cool!” Mihaan is in awe and makes it some extent to precise it each likelihood he will get. Vir appreciates this. Sharing his uncomfortable historical past of creating new associates, he says, “It’s simpler when somebody comes as much as me and says they wish to be my pal as a substitute of the opposite manner round.”
Mihaan, alternatively, has a extra perkier outlook on socialising. Considered one of his closest associates has a speech impairment and is unable to articulate. So, whereas the ever-chatty Mihaan talks, she sorts out her responses.
Incapacity shouldn’t be a bar to creating associates. And this, Moneisha factors out, is the premise with which Buddy Up Community has been created.
Buddy Up Community – Discover a pal
Gazing across the close-knit circle of associates that their sons take pleasure in in the present day, the moms admire the connections. Whereas each form of friendship warrants a deep understanding of the opposite’s strengths and weaknesses, this turns into extra important in neurodivergent friendships.
“It’s wonderful how every of them within the group brings to the desk their very own challenges,” says Gopika, including that the adolescents decide up on these subtleties.
“They’re non-judgemental and meet one another’s wants. Basically, everybody finds that individual they will spend time with. And we hope the app opens up the potential for this occurring for extra folks,” she provides.
The app, launched earlier this yr, is amassing plenty of love from the group. “Anybody above 18 years of age can create an account, whereas caregiver accounts could be created for youngsters under 18 years of age. For individuals who are over 18 however have a vulnerability that impacts their decision-making, we encourage caregivers to observe the accounts,” Gopika explains.
“The app is out there in Hindi and English and permits customers to seek for associates primarily based on age, location, pursuits, incapacity, and gender. It could assist discover associates for folks with all disabilities and of all ages,” she provides.
However stepping away from the demographics, Moneisha says, on the coronary heart of this mission is the thought of discovering a pal. “For the incapacity group, when youngsters are younger, the main focus is on remedy and college. When they’re older, it turns into about jobs. Nobody focuses on friendship. However we imagine that friendship is as necessary as any of those different issues. We noticed how highly effective a connection like this has been for our boys.”
Mihaan’s phrases ring true, “Everybody ought to have a pal.” On second ideas, he provides, “A pal like Vir.”
Edited by Pranita Bhat; Photos supply: Moneisha Gandhi
