Expensive diary,
This will likely be my last diary… of 2024 anyhow, earlier than you all do a mom and panic greater than a Victoria’s Secret mannequin close to an open flame…
It’s kissmuss subsequent week after which it will likely be New 12 months’s after which poof! Identical to that 2024 is gone sooner than a Polo mint close to my left nostril.
And what a 12 months it has been!
We are going to skim over the couple of cases the place I’ve been abused and my depths plundered like an deserted gold mine in Tex-Ass – extra like Sore Ass I can guarantee you – with out a lot as dinner being purchased first. The reminiscence of Herman sporting my tail as a moustache as a consequence of how far up my again passage his arm was wedged shouldn’t be one I want to carry forth into subsequent 12 months. I don’t want to know the 2025 charges for anal penetration and thus one in all my New 12 months’s revolutions will likely be to endeavour to not give the mothership any additional causes to name out any vet-shaped canaries to mine the decrease ranges of my bowels…
What we’ll give attention to is the truth that 2024 was the 12 months that the mighty British Eventing, led by their frankly sensible CEO Rosie, had the humility, the dignity and the self-awareness to confess that for all these years they’d bought it mistaken. That unconscious featherism had affected their choice making they usually had in reality neglected the best expertise to by no means grace the highest ranges of eventing. Sadly, in fact, I’m now too outdated (and in mom’s view, too damaged) to have the ability to now compete for King and nation, however I might contribute the subsequent smartest thing. Beneath the guise of asking me to be the official supporters’ mascot for the workforce (they couldn’t afford to upset the human within the function), they snuck me in because the equine chef de squeak to educate, information and steer our workforce in a approach it had by no means been accomplished earlier than. And what can I say? Did we or did we not dominate your entire factor from begin to end? They might be featherless thoroughbred varieties however did I or did I not handle to information my little flightless chicklets to greatness? From my recommendations on the trot-up to steering within the stressage, I used to be with them each step of the best way and we at the moment are Olympic champions. I even discovered time to rub a bit of of my magic onto the Japanese workforce who have been photographed clutching my cutout like some form of good luck attraction…
I’m fairly certain your entire equestrian world woke as much as the concept that we must always not enable appearances, breeding, nor background to face in the best way of desires and that if you need one thing badly sufficient, are ready to work at it, ready to do no matter it takes (which to be clear, is to merely keep one step away from a restraining order) then something is feasible. I’m and eternally would be the epitome of the Olympic dream and the essence of the #HeretoHelp marketing campaign for British Eventing.
All of this in fact was captured in my NINTH e book (come on folks, absolutely I have to be due a Hooker prize quickly?), which has been launched in support of the charity Bransby Horses. For any of you scrabbling with final minute present concepts then please do consider placing me in to your stockings…
The e book, in fact, was launched on the cult occasion Your Horse is Alive the place I bought to fulfill two of my celebrity college students for them to offer me my gold medal and for the unimaginable Ros Canter to prime what has been essentially the most phenomenal 12 months – attaining a profession excessive of attending to trip the OG of equine influencers the one and solely Destroyer. It doesn’t get any higher than that.
So, as I shut out what has been essentially the most wonderful 12 months, a large thanks to all of you who’ve supported us, who’ve purchased the e book, purchased raffle tickets to win my mini-me and customarily helped me to do what all of that is about – assist others.
Have a unbelievable Kissmuss, a beautiful New 12 months (don’t neglect these revolutions peoples – rise up and do these spins) and I’ll see you all on the opposite aspect.
Laters,
Hovis
You may additionally be eager about:
Credit score: Future
