Hovis’ Friday diary: solar on my again, mud in my mane, filth in my feathers…

Pricey Diary

Apologies for the shortage of replace from me final week however the mothership was within the Currybean – doing what I don’t know nevertheless it’s not inconceivable she was taking part in pirate. Let’s be trustworthy she’s that blind that an eye fixed patch is likely to be addition, she’s bird-brained so a parrot would assist and she or he limps greater than somebody with a picket leg most days. Anybody who has additionally seen her the morning after an evening out would additionally counsel the resemblance between her and Jack Sparrow is positively uncanny…

In any case, while she was off traumatising tropical islanders with the horrors of her in a swimsuit, we had been having fun with good climate and a few good quaint nakedness right here. Now clearly I’m unable to go totally bare as I’ve to put on my masks of Zorro to guard my £12 billion bionic eye however the remainder of me was positively sans clothes. Which was fab! Solar on my again, mud in my mane, filth in my feathers and no mothership to bitch about it. Add within the reality we have now solely simply acquired to the purpose that we’ve eaten down the ginger ninjas grass in his subject (and let’s be clear right here – I’ve finished the consuming while he’s stood in a naked patch, the scale of his mind cell and watched) and it’s all been fairly good.

Herman the German’s rather more beautiful and glamorous assistants (and sure, they now come to me in twos to make sure that multiple of them will get to put their arms on movie star) got here to see me on Monday to offer me my newest shot of superhero juice. The opposite ignoramuses of the yard steered it was merely my vaccinations and nothing particular, however I do know otherwise – bionic eye, superhero masks, genetically altered blood and an different worldly capability to create vets payments the scale of a planet from skinny air and there’s no doubt in my thoughts that I’m certainly the Hoverine.

They appeared thrilled to see me, commented I seemed reasonably effectively (which is able to imply I’ve a grass muzzle gaffer taped to my mouth by the queen of contradiction by the weekend – mark my phrases), jabbed me within the neck with my tremendous serum after which went to take bloods from the hormonal half-wit. As a consequence of his PMT he has to have bloods taken often to see how a lot of a lady he’s turn into and to establish if he must be allowed to look sideways at a little bit of grass or not. Sadly, for my grass consumption his bloods have come again fairly good so he shall be allowed to proceed as is – it seems I used to be the one one mildly miffed by this however then there’s nothing new…

So, I’m off to take pleasure in this inbetweeny interval between us all whinging about rain (which by the way in which hasn’t gone away – I acquired soaked yesterday) and the cash being spent on rug cleansing/shampoo/hay from us all being inside and us all whinging about warmth and the price of fly spray/suncream/hay from us all being inside…

Laters,
Hovis

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