“Who’re you past your designation?”
We regularly equate success with climbing the company ladder, reaching prestigious titles, and accumulating materials wealth. Within the pursuit of success, we find yourself leaping from one step to the following, chasing the following milestone, at all times on the lookout for the following huge designation. Nonetheless, as Nikhil Taneja’s story reveals, true fulfilment lies past these exterior markers.
Nikhil, like many others, initially chased milestones and did very nicely, changing into the youngest normal supervisor at Yash Raj Movies. To the surface world, his life appeared excellent — he had the “nice designation,” was married, and possessed the necessities of life: roti, kapda, aur makaan [food, clothing, and shelter].
It was throughout this time that the 38-year-old started experiencing panic assaults and breakdowns, finally being recognized with scientific anxiousness. In his relentless pursuit of “what subsequent,” the seemingly profitable producer, creator, host, and instructor struggled to grasp what he really needed to do.
He determined to give up his job and took a break to discover his identification. Over the course of eight months, he embraced who he was and sought to seek out objective in life. He discovered his calling in creating significant impacts within the lives of younger Indians, resulting in the institution of Yuvaa, a media platform targeted on psychological well being and secure areas.
Tasting early success: Was Nikhil really joyful?
Nikhil grew up in Bahrain, the place he pursued his love for writing since he was an adolescent. At seven, he started studying Younger Instances, a weekly journal by Khaleej Instances. After writing letters to the editor, which have been typically printed within the paper, he boldly expressed his need to put in writing for them.
By 14, he had his first byline for the newspaper, interviewing celebrities like Shankar Mahadevan and the rock band Junoon. By 17, he had interviewed Michael Schumacher and constructed a strong portfolio.
Like many millennials, he selected to pursue engineering whereas nurturing his ardour for storytelling on the facet. At 20, he interviewed Shah Rukh Khan! When it got here to picking a profession, he was clear about desirous to work within the media. He declined two job presents from campus placements at his alma mater, NIT Kurukshetra, and selected as a substitute to work as a reporter at Hindustan Instances.
After over two years at Hindustan Instances, he moved to MTV India as an editor, the place he tasted success writing and producing digital reveals. “I made six movies and a TV collection for MTV India, together with initiatives with administrators like Anurag Kashyap. I learnt the fundamentals of writing, modifying and producing reveals throughout my stint at MTV,” Nikhil tells The Higher India.
Nonetheless, this was simply earlier than the digital medium took off. His collection for MTV – Actuality Stars, though well-received, didn’t work commercially. Simply 25 on the time, he struggled to deal with this failure.
“I used to be the toast of MTV. Everybody hyped me up and pushed me. When the collection was launched and didn’t work, there was full silence. I didn’t have the instruments or sources to deal with the failure,” he displays.
On reflection, he acknowledges that he didn’t deal with it nicely. “I used to be anxious for nearly three to 4 months. To manage, I buried myself in work and began utilizing my subsequent wins as a distraction. I stored telling myself that I used to be advantageous,” he admits candidly.
Society typically fails to show us tips on how to deal with failure, and Nikhil continued to work, quickly touchdown his dream job at Yash Raj Movies (YRF). He led their youth wing, Y-Movies, and rapidly turned the overall supervisor at YRF.
He produced many hit internet collection, seemingly setting him on a perfect profession path. On the identical time, he was a visiting professor at Jai Hind School, host of a YouTube present with Movie Companion, and had every part he dreamed of; he was not even 30 but.
But, whereas he excelled at work, he was quietly battling anxiousness with out understanding what it was. He skilled panic assaults and breakdowns at work and residential however stored pushing himself. There have been days when he couldn’t get off the bed, and infrequently discovered himself sweating uncontrollably.
“I used to be fragile and felt like I used to be breaking, resulting in self doubt. I used to suppose that I used to be a horrible worker. Typically, throughout conferences, I might have panic assaults and needed to exit to collect myself for a couple of minutes. I simply didn’t know what was taking place,” he says.
Sooner or later, he skilled an enormous anxiousness assault and feared one thing was improper along with his coronary heart. Like many, Nikhil skilled his anxiousness manifest as bodily signs.
“My coronary heart raced always. I felt breathless, as if I have been on a airplane experiencing turbulence, satisfied every part was about to come back crashing down,” he remembers.
Battle with anxiousness: Taking a profession break
After enduring these signs for 9 months, he lastly visited a physician for a bodily checkup. The physician advised him that he was advantageous bodily and requested him to go to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed treatment and instructed remedy.
Himadri Sharma, a counselling psychologist at Goodlives, states that anxiousness typically presents as bodily signs. It may very well be again ache, neck ache, leg cramps and extra.
“Once you do a full physique examine up, every part could be regular. Your feelings get saved in your physique as you aren’t coping with them,” says Himadri.
Reflecting on his interactions with college students, Nikhil recalled their discussions about psychological well being struggles and questioned if he, too, could be experiencing anxiousness. “How may I’ve anxiousness? I used to be unable to just accept that one thing may very well be improper with me. Hasn’t society at all times pushed this underneath the carpet? As males, we’re at all times advised that we are supposed to present. Our success metric is measured by our capability to place meals on the desk,” he shares.
Regardless of his achievements, he grappled with the disconnect between success and private happiness. Chasing deadlines and dealing late left him with little time for self-care, household, and mates. “Every little thing I achieved was merely a hit metric. If I stripped away my designation, who was I? Who was I past YRF? Who’re you past your workplace cabin and wage? Who’re you past the work you do? Who’re you past the story given to you by society?” he contemplated.
Experiencing what felt like an existential disaster, Nikhil, on the recommendation of his brother and the psychiatrist, sought remedy. He vividly remembers his first session.
“I used to be fairly aggressive throughout my first session. I carried plenty of masculine power and was not sure of how remedy would assist,” he shares.
Nonetheless, he was quickly recognized with scientific anxiousness and regularly realised that in search of assist was okay. “There’s a method out. I understood that that is actual, and as a substitute of preventing it, I accepted it,” Nikhil shares.
By the top of 2017, he determined to take a break and give up YRF. “I owed it to myself.” He acknowledges his privilege in having the ability to take action, as his spouse was working on the time and he had financial savings to fall again on.
Redefining masculinity: ‘Be a person, yaar!’
Nikhil returned residence to his dad and mom in Bahrain and frolicked with family members. He engaged in actions he liked — travelling, reconnecting with family and friends, and reigniting misplaced connections. He modified his cellphone quantity and successfully switched off from work.
One in all his greatest learnings, he says, was breaking free from the societal definitions of masculinity.
“My story displays the conditioning of masculinity that many boys in our nation expertise. Every little thing is linked to cash and offering. We by no means take time to seek out pleasure in life. Traditionally, males have been considered as suppliers and girls are seen as nurturers. At this time, whereas girls play each roles, males are nonetheless not inspired to embrace their nurturing facet. We have to perceive the burden of patriarchy on males,” he expresses.
Nikhil needed to interrupt out of the cycle the place one seems at happiness as a vacation spot. “It’s essential to recognise your price as a human being. You owe it to your self to rejoice your self,” he provides.
Recalling how, as youngsters, our dad and mom promised to purchase us video video games or new telephones or toys if we scored nicely in exams, Nikhil says, “We supply this conditioning as adults, resulting in rewarding ourselves on each tutorial or skilled achievement.”
Remedy helped the Mumbai resident unlearn and perceive himself on a deeper stage. Throughout his eight-month break, Nikhil sought to seek out objective in life. He liked educating and interacting with younger folks, whereas his abilities lay in leisure and writing. How may he mix the 2 to create a tangible affect within the lives of children?
The pursuit to reply this query led to the launch of Yuvaa in 2018.
“Yuvaa is a purpose-driven youth media, analysis, and affect organisation that hopes to begin significant conversations amongst India’s youth, significantly Gen Z. We wish to take heed to younger folks in faculties and faculties who’re feeling lonely,” he says.
Nikhil started with a roadshow, travelling to 150 campuses in 35 cities over 9 months. The thought, he says, was to speak about psychological well being and sexual well being, offering a secure house for younger folks to share their tales.
Throughout this roadshow, Nikhil encountered many younger boys whose tales moved him deeply. “An 18-year-old boy advised me that nobody had ever advised him ‘I like you.’ One other teen shared that nobody had ever hugged him. We don’t give intimacy to our boys and inform them it’s okay to precise themselves. I needed to supply an area to all of the girls and boys in our nation by creating communities,” he shares.
To attain this, Nikhil began a present known as Be a Man, Yaar, that includes male celebrities equivalent to Javed Akhtar, Gajraj Rao, Boman Irani, Vicky Kaushal, Karan Johar, Bhuvan Bam, and Zakir Khan. The present promotes sincere, susceptible conversations the place males discuss their emotions and psychological well being.
“If a boy sees his favorite celeb being open and susceptible, he’ll realise that he can also share his emotions. Fashionable masculinity is about embracing yourselves and accepting who you might be, quite than conforming to what the world expects,” he stresses.
The present has been a success, igniting necessary conversations round males’s psychological well being and the character of masculinity. As Javed Akhtar poignantly said on the present, “The indignant younger man is not only indignant, he’s deeply harm. Mard ko dard kyun nahi hota? [Why doesn’t a man feel hurt?] Is there some drawback? Hona chahiye [He should feel].”
Nikhil hopes that by the present, we study to embrace and settle for ourselves. He has a message for each younger particular person — whether or not they determine as male, feminine, or queer: “Generate income, but in addition find time for your self. Be form to your self. All that issues is an efficient household and pal circle, and the creation of nice recollections. Maximise your time together with your family members.”
In certainly one of my favorite episodes from the collection Be A Man, Yaar, actor Imran Khan candidly shared his struggles with psychological well being. Discussing the stigma round remedy, he remarked the way it’s typically appeared down upon to “lie down on a sofa and discuss emotions.”
“How do you respect a person who just isn’t incomes? How do you respect a person who just isn’t getting up and going to work?” he requested. It’s time we begin respecting males who embrace their weaknesses.
Edited by Arunava Banerjee; Photographs Courtesy Nikhil Taneja
